Finding Balance - Jan 12

I'm finally caught up to the correct date and topic.  Yay.  I've found it difficult to work through too many things in a single day.  It overloads my system and since the tbi I have to recover through sleep.  Sleep has captured me for long periods of time the past few days.  Here is to learning my limits and having some patience...I have none..and don't ask for patience...you only get trapped in situation after situation requiring patience.  It sucks.

Balance.  The striving point for every one in this Life is balance.  Work, family, play, relationships, me time, work, rest, sleep...there is so much to balance.  I visualize a teeter-totter in my mind when I think of balance.  There must be a counter balance to maintain our equilibrium.  Right?  Too much of anything is not good for you as the saying goes.  And it is, sadly, true.

In order to keep balance...maintaining the narrow path is difficult....there must be a balance of forces.  Think of that teeter totter.  When one side goes up, the other side goes down.  In order to stay in balance a flow happens between the two opposing forces.  Walking our path we go up mountains and down into valleys. Balance or the Yin and Yang is walking that line between opposing forces.  Sometimes the only way we can find balance is to go to extremes.  That's okay.  It's maintaining the awareness that matters and moving towards the balance point, which is not necessarily center.

Currently I know I'm out of balance.  I feel it in my body, mind and soul.  In order to find the balance point, I need to know where I am first.  By figuring out where I'm at I can then look for the opposing force that will counterbalance my current state of being to bring me back into balance.  Ever the deep thinker am I.

Dancing is now part of my daily routine.  It gets me out of my head, into my body and allows me to express my emotions in a healthy manner.  Most importantly dancing is also conditioning my body, which needs it badly. Meditation.  Each day I check in with me to see where I'm at so I have a baseline reference to make sure I'm taking care of myself.  During this time I send love to every part of me and to others I care about.  Writing this blog is another outlet for me to get out what I've been holding onto for too long.

Balance is a goal.  Like Life, is about the journey, not the destination.

"Today, I will be gentle with myself, understanding that sometimes

 to reach the middle ground of balance, I need to explore the peaks and valleys.  

Sometimes, the only way I can extricate myself from a valley 

is to jump high enough to land on a peak, and then slowly ease myself down."

~Language of Letting Go

Kristy

Codependent Road Show 1/1

The New Year - 1/1

Goal setting.  Giving my Life direction.  I've been living my Life by the seat of my pants for the past two years.  Sigh.  It hasn't worked very well.  Since my car accident and subsequent brain injury setting goals is not my strong suit.  Then my mom died and I entered Zombieland.  Having lost both parents I've found myself without my anchor, pillars, foundation in this world.  I've been floating on the sea with no direction simply going with the flow.  While living in the moment is what Life is about, I do need goals to ground me.

I already decided to create a 2012 Bucket List.  Here is what I have for short term and long term goals:

• Practice self-care.  My name is Kristy and I am a caretaker.  As a professional healer I've already learned that I need to take care of myself first before I can do anything for anyone else.  I have not done this.  I fell off the wagon.  This blog is an attempt to keep me honest with myself.
• Learn a Martial Art - I need inner balance and found it before when learning Tai Chi.  This will help me get in shape body, mind and soul.
• Try Traditional Chinese Medicine - I have a few autoimmune diseases along with the brain injury.  I've been on chemo therapy, DMARDS...a pharmicopia of pills, injections and IV treatments.  Modern medicine is great, but when the side effects of the drugs are worse than the dis-ease...I've decided it's not worth it.  Time for something new.
• Share a sunrise/sunset with someone special.
• Work with horses again
• Create self-employment
• Visit San Pancho, Mexico with my brother and his wife.  Since mom and I had plans to visit there 2 days AFTER she died, I've avoided going.  It was to be our celebration of Life together and she had the nerve to die beforehand.  As executor of her will I had to cancel my trip while my brother still went.  Lost of emotional baggage surround this trip.  I will go because I need to walk through this fear and work through the emotions.

Today, I will remember that there is a powerful force motivated by writing down goals.  I will do that now, for the year to come, and regularly, as needed.  I will do it not to control, but to do my part in living my Life. ~ Melody Beattie

After reading through the first several days of the book, the work is too much for a single post.  So, I'll work through them like Life...one step at a time.

Kristy 

Recovering Codependent Road Show

I've decided to start a journal based on working my way through Melody Beattie's book The Language of Letting Go, Daily Meditations for Codependents.  My book is worn and water stained from use over the years.  While I grew up with two addict/alcoholic brothers since the age of seven (they are 7 & 9 years older) I've found this book helpful for all of Life's situations.  After my brain injury I've found it speak to me on a different level.

I missed the first 9 days of the year and will go through them all at once in my next post.  I've been "off the wagon" since I moved to Missouri in 2010 after my mother passed away.  The book was always in my nightstand and picked up when I needed something in particular.  This time I'm trying it chronologically.

Welcome to my Recovering Codependent Road Show as I walk my Path learning self-care and seeking balance.  Life is about the journey, not the destination.

Kristy