Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Recovery Road Show Jan 2/3
Healthy Limits - 1/2 & Nurturing Self-care 1/3 (related themes)
"...there isn't a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we'll love ourselves enough to listen."
~ Beyond Codependency
Boundaries and self care. One of My Life's themes. Yuck. This is the greatest area of growth for me this past year and also the bane of my existence. I know boundaries are vital, not only to recovery, but in living Life in general. I learned in high school, through group therapy sessions with my brother's in rehab, that I am a caretaker. I didn't get it. The therapist explained the role I assumed in the family unit was to balance the craziness. "Visualize a baby mobile. As one family member moves out of balance, you go to them and bring them back into balance. Kristy, this is NOT your responsibility. It is not your job to take care of everyone else. Let it go." So what do I do? Become a massage therapist where assisting other's heal IS my job. I'm such an INFP. It's part of my innate nature. I was born this way.
Setting limits and nurturing myself are critical to my own self-esteem, working through my feelings, working with clients, allowing myself to love others and know I am deserving of being loved. I'm tired of these lessons. Mainly because I have not employed what I know and keep falling off the damned wagon. Yet, I forgive myself because I know I am not perfect (don't want to be) and there is a "Higher Timing" involved. Nothing happens until it is time.
Setting limits and nurturing myself are critical to my own self-esteem, working through my feelings, working with clients, allowing myself to love others and know I am deserving of being loved. I'm tired of these lessons. Mainly because I have not employed what I know and keep falling off the damned wagon. Yet, I forgive myself because I know I am not perfect (don't want to be) and there is a "Higher Timing" involved. Nothing happens until it is time.
My boundaries are becoming clearer as I take the time to listen to my inner voice. I'm learning to trust that it guides me to where I am supposed to be on my Path. When I don't listen is when I get into trouble. I've avoided taking the time to allow awareness to come to me. Zombieland is what I do when Life get's too much to handle. My brother's turned to drugs or alcohol, I shut down. Numb. It's my drug of choice. Along with caffeine, but I digress. Well, I'm setting a boundary to not allow myself to do live perpetually in Zombieland. Time to move along Kristy.
I get angry with myself for not working on my boundaries and caring for myself. Boundaries and self care come from a place deep within. Sometimes anger is a great motivator to move me into action. It takes a lot to get me angry since the TBI. I used to be a bit hot-headed, now not so much. I have not trusted my inner voice since my brain injury. The further away I get from the date of impact I realize how deep the fog was that I lived in prior to taking up residence in Zombieland. Each day the fog clears a bit more. Comparing notes with one of my brother's he compared my state of being after the accident to himself when he was using. Aha. Interesting.
Why don't I trust myself? I was totally convinced of my ability to drive after my car accident. Months later I had an Aha moment that lead me to carpool with a classmate vs. driving to school myself. I was a danger to myself and others. So, now I question myself about everything. After 4 years I'm learning it's okay to trust myself again. When I question myself (read: sanity), I turn to trusted friends to make sure my self evaluation is on target with what they observe in me. I set a limit and didn't realize it till this moment.
Boundaries and self-care are not just about what I don't want or need in life. They are also about tearing down walls or expanding the ones that block me from enjoying my life. Through creating a space of awareness I've discovered a fear of being happy, allowing myself to be loved and loving in return. It hasn't worked well in the past so I've established some self-defeating behaviors that must change. Somewhere along my Path I came up with the silly idea that I don't deserve to be happy or loved well. Darn it, I do deserve to be loved and happiness is a choice I make each day.
Oddly enough I've learned to create good boundaries in my work as a massage therapist. Naturally I learned it the hard way. I always learn best through adversity. After my first experience with clients, I took home their pain in my own body. They left feeling fabulous, as I drove home my body was in agony. My teachers informed me I'm what's termed an Empath. I feel other's emotions and bodily pain as if it were my own. I created a ritual of sorts to set boundaries with clients so I would no longer embody their issues. I see now I need to employ this technique in my daily Life. How? Well...
Take time to be aware of where I'm at physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. No effort is made to change my state of being, simply be aware of Kristy. Then when working with a client if I'd feel pain, in say my right knee, I could go back to my awareness and evaluate...Does this belong to me? Nope. It's the client. Or yep, that's me. By establishing a baseline every morning before I get out of bed I can better establish boundaries as needed throughout my day. I also can take responsibility for myself and let go of what does not belong to me. I'm having a Homer Simpson moment. Doh! Getting back to work will also aid me in nurturing myself and respecting my boundaries.
Kristy
I get angry with myself for not working on my boundaries and caring for myself. Boundaries and self care come from a place deep within. Sometimes anger is a great motivator to move me into action. It takes a lot to get me angry since the TBI. I used to be a bit hot-headed, now not so much. I have not trusted my inner voice since my brain injury. The further away I get from the date of impact I realize how deep the fog was that I lived in prior to taking up residence in Zombieland. Each day the fog clears a bit more. Comparing notes with one of my brother's he compared my state of being after the accident to himself when he was using. Aha. Interesting.
Why don't I trust myself? I was totally convinced of my ability to drive after my car accident. Months later I had an Aha moment that lead me to carpool with a classmate vs. driving to school myself. I was a danger to myself and others. So, now I question myself about everything. After 4 years I'm learning it's okay to trust myself again. When I question myself (read: sanity), I turn to trusted friends to make sure my self evaluation is on target with what they observe in me. I set a limit and didn't realize it till this moment.
Boundaries and self-care are not just about what I don't want or need in life. They are also about tearing down walls or expanding the ones that block me from enjoying my life. Through creating a space of awareness I've discovered a fear of being happy, allowing myself to be loved and loving in return. It hasn't worked well in the past so I've established some self-defeating behaviors that must change. Somewhere along my Path I came up with the silly idea that I don't deserve to be happy or loved well. Darn it, I do deserve to be loved and happiness is a choice I make each day.
Oddly enough I've learned to create good boundaries in my work as a massage therapist. Naturally I learned it the hard way. I always learn best through adversity. After my first experience with clients, I took home their pain in my own body. They left feeling fabulous, as I drove home my body was in agony. My teachers informed me I'm what's termed an Empath. I feel other's emotions and bodily pain as if it were my own. I created a ritual of sorts to set boundaries with clients so I would no longer embody their issues. I see now I need to employ this technique in my daily Life. How? Well...
Take time to be aware of where I'm at physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. No effort is made to change my state of being, simply be aware of Kristy. Then when working with a client if I'd feel pain, in say my right knee, I could go back to my awareness and evaluate...Does this belong to me? Nope. It's the client. Or yep, that's me. By establishing a baseline every morning before I get out of bed I can better establish boundaries as needed throughout my day. I also can take responsibility for myself and let go of what does not belong to me. I'm having a Homer Simpson moment. Doh! Getting back to work will also aid me in nurturing myself and respecting my boundaries.
"Today, I will trust that I will learn, grow and set the limits I need in my life at my own pace. This timing need only be right for me."
AND
"Today, I will affirm that I am a gift to myself and the Universe. I will remember that nurturing self-care delivers that gift in its highest form."
~Language of Letting Go
Kristy
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