Self Responsibility Jan 9

"We have been doing the wrong things for the right reasons."

~ Codependent No More

Caretaking.  It sounds like such a nice word but taking care of another person can be damaging.  I prevented my son from hitting his bottom enough times to see I was hurting him vs. helping him find sobriety.

Being split between an  INFP & ENFP personality type (heaven help me) caretaking is innate to my being.   I don't mean to take on responsibilities of other's, but I do.  Knowing this about myself I'm constantly asking myself, "Does this belong to me?" I hold it up, look at all sides and if it's "mine" I keep it and work through what needs to be done and if it is not...I'm learning to give it back to it's owner.

While going through just the first 9 days of the month in this book it dawned on me that while these meditations are helpful in general, as individuals we all handle things differently.  As Shrek so aptly put it, we're like onions.  We have all these layers that make us this beautiful, unique individual.  While I might relate better to those in my personality types, I am also a Piscean influenced by Aquarius rising, an Empath, and element wise I'm Earth.  Each of these different layers creates the way I experience Life and interact with others.  So, while blanket statements can be beneficial....I'm seeing that as this unique individual that I am...not all of these blanket statements work for me.  AND because I think way too much, I'm working out a new way to process these steps in a way that works for me.  Since the focus of this book is learning to put ourselves first, sounds like a plan of attack.

I do not feel responsible for another person's happiness, healing, whatever life process they are going through.  I know how they feel is separate from me.  That doesn't mean that I don't deeply desire to help them.  My biggest problem is helping when it has not been asked of me.  I want to help so much and share what I've learned to benefit another that I can come off as pushy...and a pain in the ass.  Even though that is not my intent.  Many teachers (people) come into my life to teach me this lesson over and over...and over again.  Thank you.  I want to get this right and stop the lessons.

Back when I was 19 I had an experience that grounded me in the belief that I am NOT responsible for another's emotions or their actions.  During a breakup the guy threatened to kill himself if I left him.  Talk about a guilt trip right?

While I was emotionally devastated over leaving the love of my life, I knew it was the right thing to do for me.  A peaceful sensation washed over me during this conversation.  My inner voice said...nope this is not on your shoulders, it's on him.  So I told the guy that whatever decision he made was his to make and had nothing to do with me.  I am responsible for my own emotions and it is not possible for me to make anyone else feel a certain emotion, that is an internal function....  I do not have that much power.  If you think I do, then you've given your power away to another that cannot even use it.

Where I trip and fall on my ass is with my family....especially my kids.  I am aware enough that this is an issue for me that I keep an eye out for stepping into the pit falls I choose not to see (inventory).  It's a tricky dance, but I'm finding balance.

"Today I will pay attention to my actual responsibilities to myself.  I will let others do the same.  If I am in doubt about what my actual responsibilities are, I will take an inventory."

~ Language of Letting Go

Kristy