Thursday, January 12, 2012
What is it like to be me? INFP/ENFP
There is more to each personality than to say, I am an INFP/ENFP, or whatever classification is used to dissect what makes us tick as humans. Every experience in our life shapes us and changes us. However, at the core of me is this mixture of INFP/ENFP. My first test was done in high school with a heavy leaning towards introvert. Yet, as I've grown older I'm nearly split down the middle. I recently came across a book that describes both sides of me to such a T that I couldn't help laughing. My dog just looked at me like I'm crazy. Now I know why I often feel as if I have multiple personalities. I do.
INFP
From Conversations with Harmonizer Clarifiers
What’s it like to be you?
I have a very internal focus. I think I look at myself through other people’s eyes, but sometimes I can lose touch with how things work for me. Then I can get introspective, going very deep and staying there, not coming out too quickly or easily. Somehow I find it very difficult to put into words and communicate the things that really matter to me. Most people don’t have the foggiest notion about what goes on with me.
I like harmony and seek consensus and do well with the deep issues. My values and the things that are important to me often feel outside the mainstream in the sense that I feel impinged upon and uncomfortable with so much of what goes on. I’m too private to push my values on to other people, but I am convinced that one ought to be congruent in their own life if they are going to expect congruence from others. In a sense I hold other people to that standard, and I worry about my own incongruities, inconsistencies, and contradictions. Groups can be hard. I can put myself in the group process so rapidly and so completely, and it’s important not to get sucked in. I need to be predictable about what I believe.
I am a global thinker and I like to learn interactively. My thoughts need to be connected with some person or value. On reflection, don’t all thoughts have to be connected to something? I feed new information into other things I’ve read and my thoughts, and I can have a marvelous time just sitting with ideas. And I like to discuss or write things because I seem to have a lot in my head and I’ve got to get it out. I love bringing together different eclectic ideas and seeing what’s similar. I like to have my own ideas, hear others ideas, and have ideas challenged, bantering back and forth. Chitchat has no interest for me. I tend to do a lot of mental rehearsal and play in problem solving, and the fun part is figuring out how to do something. Motivation comes when something has real meaning or value for me, and while I enjoy ideas I don’t like having my values challenged.
For me, asking questions is just a different form of being quiet, a way to explore an inner thought stream or check out of reality and back into my thoughts. Sometimes I chuckle at myself that there is really no sequential way that I work though tasks...
I’m concerned about how others feel when they are around me. Lack of honesty or ethics or integrity in interactions—when someone is saying one thing but doing another—really puts me off. So does when someone doesn’t honor, or accept as valid, my communication or feeling as I try to talk to them about something that matters to me. And I don’t need to talk about myself. I don’t enjoy it. Sometimes I’m frustrated trying to communicate, and sometimes a metaphor or a joke or a story is a way to effectively express myself so what I’m saying can be heard by someone who hears or experiences things differently.
I don’t know what I am going to do next, but I trust in myself that something will come in as a new idea, with challenge and inner meaning. Whatever it is, it will be right. Although I would never actually say it, it feels as though I am grounded in the very being of who I am when I talk like this.
Themes
For Harmonizer Clarifiers, life is a process of uncovering mysteries, the mysteries of life - personal values and meanings and the meaning of life in general. They like learning about people, why they do what they do and who they are. They want to relate on a deep level, to be touched deeply and to resolve issues. Exploring moral questions like what is right and wrong and the battle between good and evil fascinates them. Knowing people's intentions helps them feel comfortable with their relationships.
They enjoy getting reaquainted with themselves. To not have a sense of congruence with their values and unity with oneself is worse than death. They must have a sense of integrity and wholeness.
They have a talent for facilitive listening and knowing what is behind what is said. When they listen deeply to another person, they help that person clarify their identity, their wants, and their needs. They want to help others enjoy who they are, accept themselves, and believe in themselves. Sometimes it is hard to turn off the deep listening, and they pay the price for presenting a more acceptable, conventional persona to the world.
Life is full of paradoxes and they are constantly balancing opposites. They can be fun and playful yet serious and intense. Others rarely glimpse the whole, rich tapestry of their lives. They often relate to others through stories and metaphors to connect differences and to provide gentle encouragement. Stories tap into that wordless internal world that is the source of knowing what is right and important.
Their thought processes tend to be relational and integrative. "Going with the flow" helps them connect the seemingly unconnectable, life's many opposites. They often start in the middle of an idea, grasping its importance, and love to have the freedom to flow from one thought to the next. They have a way of knowing what is believable.
Their incredible ability to be present with another on a deep level requires a different sense of time than structured time. They often speak of struggling with structure, forever trying to get their lives in order.
Relationships
For Harmonizer Clarifiers, relationships are about selfdiscovery - each person learning more about who he or she really is. There is an idealism in the process of relating, and everything has a symbolic significance. They want the other person, the group members, or the community to have a sense of purpose and ethics. They will just know when they are getting the "real" person in the relationship. Integrity, validation, and affirmation are very important. They can be an enigma with many aspects of themselves for different relationships. Sharing beliefs are important. They are often disappointed if the other person or the group doesn't share their beliefs and will tend to withdraw and be silent. There is a lot of self-reflectiveness about how to "be" in a relationship, and they may miss the moment for connecting; so much is internal, but they want so much to connect they may do it indirectly.
In their close relationships, they can be very subtle and are often the most romantic. Others may miss the significance of their symbolic gestures. When the other person is right for them, the person is totally right, and when the other person is not, then that person is totally wrong. They expect the relationship to be deep and meaningful. When it is, they are willing to commit.
.............................................................................................................................................................
ENFP Portrait - Discoverer Advocate
What’s it like to be you?
I have to be directly in contact with people and know that somehow I am influencing what happens for them in a positive way. That is a kind of driving force in my life, actualizing potential, giving encouragement, letting people know what I think they can do. I have been told I have this uncanny ability to absolutely zero in on and intuit what people need. I sometimes recognize something about them that they have not said to anybody else. And they say, “How did you know?”
I see myself as a facilitator. It’s not about imposing what I want to see happen, although I have some grand ideal of everyone having a better life or feeling better or dealing with a particular issue. Being able to understand people in depth gives me a feeling I have been friends with them forever, and when I act too much that way, they may not be able to handle it. But I feel sad when I see potential in someone and they are either denying it or not able to access it in some way. I’m very sensitive too, but sometimes easily discouraged, and I still go on thrilled to meet new people, with an interest in assisting them in whatever they are seeking. I give them both knowledge and meaning. I bring a fresh perspective and my appreciation for people’s goodness.
If I’m stuck for hours working at a monotonous task, I get peculiar, zonky, and weird. I get very tired if I can’t get out and exchange information. I’ll lack bounce, the bubbling of ideas that makes me run through life. I absolutely have to have a fulfilling job or I get depressed. I want to use my talents, make a difference, and have autonomy. If not, I struggle to retain a sense of self and it’s like my spirit is dying.
People talk about being drawn to me. Friends are so important to me and I have good intentions. I like to think I’ll do whatever I can do to hold on to them, but often I don’t get around to writing or calling. They know that if they create a friendship with me, then the friendship is going to be intense and loyal and I will be there for them when they really need me. And I can engage with people that I care about who are a distance away and feel like they are a part of my life on an ongoing basis, picking up a lot of feeling from what they write or when they call. It would be easier to spin straw into gold than be totally alone...
I remember this wonderful little boy, but he was conning everyone. I kept looking straight at him, “in the soul,” and finally he put his hands up over his eyes and said, “You’ve got to quit looking at me like that. I can look at people like that, but you can’t look at me like that.” And I completely understood him and I said, “I know who you are, and it’s not bad. It’s good, you’re good, and you have promise.” That’s what people don’t want to hear—I see you, I value you, I care what you’ll become, and I wish to be a part of that if you need me.
Themes
For Discoverer Advocates, life is a process of inspiring and facilitating others to find and reach their full potential. They have a talent for seeing the core of someone, the unspoken essential goodness. They become the spokesperson for others, for what is needed most and for their higher purpose. They enjoy exploring perceptions and sharing deep emotional content, the "real stuff". This sharing is a magical moment when they truly connect. They constantly seek to have ideal relationships where they can have many ideal moments. To not have these empathetic moments is like being cut off from themselves.
Life is like a story. Stories provide ways to find meaning and to make a difference and provide the connecting thread that helps them know and understand others and through the situations.
Their thought process seem random; however, they are connective and relational. They are able to mediate differences and conflict by seeing the ways the differences connect. They often become the "voice" for the unspoken meanings they so easily pick up. They strive to keep communication channels open to make the best of a situation. They have a way of making things work without knowing why, which gives them the air of being magical as they respond courageously to their insights. The creative process is an important part of their lives.
In the interpersonal arena, they often instantly like people or not. Liking the people they are with is important. With their talent for seeing what's not being said, they often responds to others needs while putting their own needs and wants on hold. They like to spark something in others that others don't see themselves. They must be able to authentically live with themselves and seek to recognize happiness wherever it is.
They often feel a strong need to discover a definitive direction for themselves. They want the magical situtation to be permanent so are paradoxically on a continual quest for direction, resulting in a feeling of unrest.
Relationships
For Discoverer Advocates, relationships are about being on the same wavelength. People often get the sense they are understood perfectly by them. They are so perceptive in the moment that they read and mirror the other person's mood , the meaning of the other persons behavior, and when they're on, they're really right and everything feels in sync. The downside is they can make a lot of assumptions and projections that are sometimes really wrong. They can establish rapport instantly, can be charming and flirtatious in a way that uniquely connects with the other person. They frequently do whatever it takes to understand the deep meaning in what others do. Others may feel strangely connected with them, as if they have known them forever, and yet know nothing about them. They are uncanny at being the center of attention without being the topic of conversation. Getting at deep issues is important to them, and in the process, they are often catalysts for change. They want everyone to engage.
In their close relationships, they are romanticizing and idealistic. They want to share interests, ideas, and activities. Their ideal is a twin-like relationship. participating with each other, sharing the experience of it, where the relationship is real-time, live and in-person, with each other's beliefs the same. When that ideal connection is not there, they can become disillusioned and disappointed. They are often supportive of their partner's efforts to develop his or her potential and want to be supported and nurtured in return.
INFP
From Conversations with Harmonizer Clarifiers
The following is adapted from Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi, The 16 Personality Types: Descriptions for Self-Discovery (Telos Publications, 1999)
What’s it like to be you?
I have a very internal focus. I think I look at myself through other people’s eyes, but sometimes I can lose touch with how things work for me. Then I can get introspective, going very deep and staying there, not coming out too quickly or easily. Somehow I find it very difficult to put into words and communicate the things that really matter to me. Most people don’t have the foggiest notion about what goes on with me.
I like harmony and seek consensus and do well with the deep issues. My values and the things that are important to me often feel outside the mainstream in the sense that I feel impinged upon and uncomfortable with so much of what goes on. I’m too private to push my values on to other people, but I am convinced that one ought to be congruent in their own life if they are going to expect congruence from others. In a sense I hold other people to that standard, and I worry about my own incongruities, inconsistencies, and contradictions. Groups can be hard. I can put myself in the group process so rapidly and so completely, and it’s important not to get sucked in. I need to be predictable about what I believe.
I am a global thinker and I like to learn interactively. My thoughts need to be connected with some person or value. On reflection, don’t all thoughts have to be connected to something? I feed new information into other things I’ve read and my thoughts, and I can have a marvelous time just sitting with ideas. And I like to discuss or write things because I seem to have a lot in my head and I’ve got to get it out. I love bringing together different eclectic ideas and seeing what’s similar. I like to have my own ideas, hear others ideas, and have ideas challenged, bantering back and forth. Chitchat has no interest for me. I tend to do a lot of mental rehearsal and play in problem solving, and the fun part is figuring out how to do something. Motivation comes when something has real meaning or value for me, and while I enjoy ideas I don’t like having my values challenged.
For me, asking questions is just a different form of being quiet, a way to explore an inner thought stream or check out of reality and back into my thoughts. Sometimes I chuckle at myself that there is really no sequential way that I work though tasks...
I’m concerned about how others feel when they are around me. Lack of honesty or ethics or integrity in interactions—when someone is saying one thing but doing another—really puts me off. So does when someone doesn’t honor, or accept as valid, my communication or feeling as I try to talk to them about something that matters to me. And I don’t need to talk about myself. I don’t enjoy it. Sometimes I’m frustrated trying to communicate, and sometimes a metaphor or a joke or a story is a way to effectively express myself so what I’m saying can be heard by someone who hears or experiences things differently.
I don’t know what I am going to do next, but I trust in myself that something will come in as a new idea, with challenge and inner meaning. Whatever it is, it will be right. Although I would never actually say it, it feels as though I am grounded in the very being of who I am when I talk like this.
Themes
For Harmonizer Clarifiers, life is a process of uncovering mysteries, the mysteries of life - personal values and meanings and the meaning of life in general. They like learning about people, why they do what they do and who they are. They want to relate on a deep level, to be touched deeply and to resolve issues. Exploring moral questions like what is right and wrong and the battle between good and evil fascinates them. Knowing people's intentions helps them feel comfortable with their relationships.
They enjoy getting reaquainted with themselves. To not have a sense of congruence with their values and unity with oneself is worse than death. They must have a sense of integrity and wholeness.
They have a talent for facilitive listening and knowing what is behind what is said. When they listen deeply to another person, they help that person clarify their identity, their wants, and their needs. They want to help others enjoy who they are, accept themselves, and believe in themselves. Sometimes it is hard to turn off the deep listening, and they pay the price for presenting a more acceptable, conventional persona to the world.
Life is full of paradoxes and they are constantly balancing opposites. They can be fun and playful yet serious and intense. Others rarely glimpse the whole, rich tapestry of their lives. They often relate to others through stories and metaphors to connect differences and to provide gentle encouragement. Stories tap into that wordless internal world that is the source of knowing what is right and important.
Their thought processes tend to be relational and integrative. "Going with the flow" helps them connect the seemingly unconnectable, life's many opposites. They often start in the middle of an idea, grasping its importance, and love to have the freedom to flow from one thought to the next. They have a way of knowing what is believable.
Their incredible ability to be present with another on a deep level requires a different sense of time than structured time. They often speak of struggling with structure, forever trying to get their lives in order.
Relationships
For Harmonizer Clarifiers, relationships are about selfdiscovery - each person learning more about who he or she really is. There is an idealism in the process of relating, and everything has a symbolic significance. They want the other person, the group members, or the community to have a sense of purpose and ethics. They will just know when they are getting the "real" person in the relationship. Integrity, validation, and affirmation are very important. They can be an enigma with many aspects of themselves for different relationships. Sharing beliefs are important. They are often disappointed if the other person or the group doesn't share their beliefs and will tend to withdraw and be silent. There is a lot of self-reflectiveness about how to "be" in a relationship, and they may miss the moment for connecting; so much is internal, but they want so much to connect they may do it indirectly.
In their close relationships, they can be very subtle and are often the most romantic. Others may miss the significance of their symbolic gestures. When the other person is right for them, the person is totally right, and when the other person is not, then that person is totally wrong. They expect the relationship to be deep and meaningful. When it is, they are willing to commit.
.............................................................................................................................................................
ENFP Portrait - Discoverer Advocate
What’s it like to be you?
I have to be directly in contact with people and know that somehow I am influencing what happens for them in a positive way. That is a kind of driving force in my life, actualizing potential, giving encouragement, letting people know what I think they can do. I have been told I have this uncanny ability to absolutely zero in on and intuit what people need. I sometimes recognize something about them that they have not said to anybody else. And they say, “How did you know?”
I see myself as a facilitator. It’s not about imposing what I want to see happen, although I have some grand ideal of everyone having a better life or feeling better or dealing with a particular issue. Being able to understand people in depth gives me a feeling I have been friends with them forever, and when I act too much that way, they may not be able to handle it. But I feel sad when I see potential in someone and they are either denying it or not able to access it in some way. I’m very sensitive too, but sometimes easily discouraged, and I still go on thrilled to meet new people, with an interest in assisting them in whatever they are seeking. I give them both knowledge and meaning. I bring a fresh perspective and my appreciation for people’s goodness.
If I’m stuck for hours working at a monotonous task, I get peculiar, zonky, and weird. I get very tired if I can’t get out and exchange information. I’ll lack bounce, the bubbling of ideas that makes me run through life. I absolutely have to have a fulfilling job or I get depressed. I want to use my talents, make a difference, and have autonomy. If not, I struggle to retain a sense of self and it’s like my spirit is dying.
People talk about being drawn to me. Friends are so important to me and I have good intentions. I like to think I’ll do whatever I can do to hold on to them, but often I don’t get around to writing or calling. They know that if they create a friendship with me, then the friendship is going to be intense and loyal and I will be there for them when they really need me. And I can engage with people that I care about who are a distance away and feel like they are a part of my life on an ongoing basis, picking up a lot of feeling from what they write or when they call. It would be easier to spin straw into gold than be totally alone...
I remember this wonderful little boy, but he was conning everyone. I kept looking straight at him, “in the soul,” and finally he put his hands up over his eyes and said, “You’ve got to quit looking at me like that. I can look at people like that, but you can’t look at me like that.” And I completely understood him and I said, “I know who you are, and it’s not bad. It’s good, you’re good, and you have promise.” That’s what people don’t want to hear—I see you, I value you, I care what you’ll become, and I wish to be a part of that if you need me.
Themes
For Discoverer Advocates, life is a process of inspiring and facilitating others to find and reach their full potential. They have a talent for seeing the core of someone, the unspoken essential goodness. They become the spokesperson for others, for what is needed most and for their higher purpose. They enjoy exploring perceptions and sharing deep emotional content, the "real stuff". This sharing is a magical moment when they truly connect. They constantly seek to have ideal relationships where they can have many ideal moments. To not have these empathetic moments is like being cut off from themselves.
Life is like a story. Stories provide ways to find meaning and to make a difference and provide the connecting thread that helps them know and understand others and through the situations.
Their thought process seem random; however, they are connective and relational. They are able to mediate differences and conflict by seeing the ways the differences connect. They often become the "voice" for the unspoken meanings they so easily pick up. They strive to keep communication channels open to make the best of a situation. They have a way of making things work without knowing why, which gives them the air of being magical as they respond courageously to their insights. The creative process is an important part of their lives.
In the interpersonal arena, they often instantly like people or not. Liking the people they are with is important. With their talent for seeing what's not being said, they often responds to others needs while putting their own needs and wants on hold. They like to spark something in others that others don't see themselves. They must be able to authentically live with themselves and seek to recognize happiness wherever it is.
They often feel a strong need to discover a definitive direction for themselves. They want the magical situtation to be permanent so are paradoxically on a continual quest for direction, resulting in a feeling of unrest.
Relationships
For Discoverer Advocates, relationships are about being on the same wavelength. People often get the sense they are understood perfectly by them. They are so perceptive in the moment that they read and mirror the other person's mood , the meaning of the other persons behavior, and when they're on, they're really right and everything feels in sync. The downside is they can make a lot of assumptions and projections that are sometimes really wrong. They can establish rapport instantly, can be charming and flirtatious in a way that uniquely connects with the other person. They frequently do whatever it takes to understand the deep meaning in what others do. Others may feel strangely connected with them, as if they have known them forever, and yet know nothing about them. They are uncanny at being the center of attention without being the topic of conversation. Getting at deep issues is important to them, and in the process, they are often catalysts for change. They want everyone to engage.
In their close relationships, they are romanticizing and idealistic. They want to share interests, ideas, and activities. Their ideal is a twin-like relationship. participating with each other, sharing the experience of it, where the relationship is real-time, live and in-person, with each other's beliefs the same. When that ideal connection is not there, they can become disillusioned and disappointed. They are often supportive of their partner's efforts to develop his or her potential and want to be supported and nurtured in return.
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