Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Separating from Family Issues Jan 4
This past year I've felt I lost three family members. What I see now is that I finally set boundaries saying, "I can no longer tolerate the way you treat me. Our current relationship does not serve my best interest. The hurting must stop." It's sucked! It was the right thing to do. I am in a healthier state of being without these toxic relationships. It doesn't hurt any less though. Silver lining....Hello major step to nurturing myself with boundaries!
I've dog-eared this page. Melody basically says it's okay to love our family, but one of our primary rights is to take care of ourselves. Whether a family member is stuck in addiction, in recovery, addicted to work, victimization, or whatever their issue...it's their issue. It doesn't belong to us/me/you. I forget this. I take on responsibility like it's the air I breath. Of course I end up coughing up a lung on the floor from the toxic waste I've inhaled. It's okay to remove myself from toxic relationships in order to be good to myself.
My freedom started when I stopped taking on my family member's issues and (while not necessarily as politely as I should) handed their stuff back to them. In order for a relationship with another to change, one of the people in the relationship must change. In this situation, I changed. I taught my kids this (they love to hate me...job well done then)...I ask myself these questions "Are you done yet? Have you had enough?" Then listen for the truth to bubble up. The trick is to be honest with myself and know it's okay if I'm not done. With these family members I heard, "Put a fork in and call me done." I was ready to end what wasn't good for me. I reached my limit.
Now, since this page is dog-eared it means I repeat this lesson. A bunch. I'm currently in a situation where my gut is telling me, "Nope. I am not done." However, in this case I have no control aside from walking away. I didn't want to walk away and ended up having the table turned on me so I was forced to keep my word. Stubborn ass that I am, I don't like being forced down my Path with walking papers in hand. I'm working through my emotions. What do I need? What feels right? What can I live with? When I have answers I can then take them to this situation and find closure.
In the meantime, I'm walking forward by moving back to Colorado. I need my support system. In this situation I'm saying, "Oops, I need and have friends and family that can meet these needs." TBI is a daily challenge. Since my brother and his wife went on a 6 week vacation it's become clear I should not live alone. It is not in my best interest. So, I'm moving to where I know my needs will be met. This also means leaving behind what I do not want to leave. Nothing in life is easy. Things will work out for my higher good. Arms open wide, I'm walking into fear and embracing my family and friends in love. What a journey!
I've dog-eared this page. Melody basically says it's okay to love our family, but one of our primary rights is to take care of ourselves. Whether a family member is stuck in addiction, in recovery, addicted to work, victimization, or whatever their issue...it's their issue. It doesn't belong to us/me/you. I forget this. I take on responsibility like it's the air I breath. Of course I end up coughing up a lung on the floor from the toxic waste I've inhaled. It's okay to remove myself from toxic relationships in order to be good to myself.
My freedom started when I stopped taking on my family member's issues and (while not necessarily as politely as I should) handed their stuff back to them. In order for a relationship with another to change, one of the people in the relationship must change. In this situation, I changed. I taught my kids this (they love to hate me...job well done then)...I ask myself these questions "Are you done yet? Have you had enough?" Then listen for the truth to bubble up. The trick is to be honest with myself and know it's okay if I'm not done. With these family members I heard, "Put a fork in and call me done." I was ready to end what wasn't good for me. I reached my limit.
Now, since this page is dog-eared it means I repeat this lesson. A bunch. I'm currently in a situation where my gut is telling me, "Nope. I am not done." However, in this case I have no control aside from walking away. I didn't want to walk away and ended up having the table turned on me so I was forced to keep my word. Stubborn ass that I am, I don't like being forced down my Path with walking papers in hand. I'm working through my emotions. What do I need? What feels right? What can I live with? When I have answers I can then take them to this situation and find closure.
In the meantime, I'm walking forward by moving back to Colorado. I need my support system. In this situation I'm saying, "Oops, I need and have friends and family that can meet these needs." TBI is a daily challenge. Since my brother and his wife went on a 6 week vacation it's become clear I should not live alone. It is not in my best interest. So, I'm moving to where I know my needs will be met. This also means leaving behind what I do not want to leave. Nothing in life is easy. Things will work out for my higher good. Arms open wide, I'm walking into fear and embracing my family and friends in love. What a journey!
Today, I will learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues.
I will also step into their welcome embrace and allow them to help me...because I need their help.
I need to remember that allowing them to help me makes them feel good too. I can offer them a way to help me that is healthy for us all.
~ Kristy
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