Standing Up For Ourselves - Jan 15

"We learn some behaviors have self-defeating consequences, 

while others have beneficial consequences.  We learn we have a choice."

~ Beyond Codependency

As a mom, I will stand up and defend my kids (when they are in the right) like a mama bear.  You don't mess with my kids or you will face my wrath.  If only I could do this for myself!

I had my son when I was 19 which means more than 1/2 my life I've been standing up for my kids.  I've also been aware that while I will fight tooth and nail for them, I don't have the same resolve for myself.  Years I've pondered this conundrum.

It is just so darn easy to look in on someone else's Life and know what they need to do.  "You are not a doormat, you are worthy of being treated like the precious gift you are.", "You are great at what you do and deserve a raise based on what other's in your field earn...go get that raise...you can do it!".  We can see from outside that a relationship is abusive, a friend is being manipulated, worker's rights are being violated...whatever is going on...we can see it. So, why is it so hard to do this for ourselves?

In our own situations we have a myopic view of our world.  We are enmeshed in the situation at hand and cannot see the forest for the trees.  I was also unwittingly taught growing up that it was not alright to be assertive.  "The meek shall inherit the earth." or so says an ancient script.  Yes, well there is a difference between being meek and a doormat.  Being assertive is healthy, I now know this to be true.  Personally, I tend to not want to hurt another person's feelings.  By stepping too easily in their shoes I watch what I say, how it's said and more often than not do what is in their best interest vs. my own.  Stop Kristy.

As Life does, I was put in several situations that forced me to stand up for myself.  The more valuable the teaching, the harder the lesson is to learn.  Now what I've observed is that when we go through our Dark Night of the Soul that brings us into ourselves we are provided a guide.  Someone new or currently in our lives is there to assist us.  If we allow this, the transition is so much easier.  I, however, am not one for taking the easier Path for some horrendous reason.  Yet, I have allowed someone to take me by the hand and gently guide me to myself and man...what a beautiful process.

Melody doesn't offer any advise here, but adds this "Sometimes, the lesson won't stop until we do."  Brilliant!  Oh yes, the Universe will bring the lesson to you through future teachers until you stop and stand up for yourself.  I was recently smack upside the head with a lesson I thought I learned.  Expect surprise quizzes to test your resolve.  Just when you think to yourself, "Yes!  I've finally learned...." you WILL be tested.  Each day is a fresh start.  Don't look back.  Keep moving forward.  You'll get better until you can stop.

"Today, I will rally to my own cause.  I will remember that it is okay to stand up for myself when that action is appropriate.  Help me, Universe, to let go of my need to be victimized.  Help me appropriately, and with confidence, stand up for myself."

~Language of Letting Go

Kristy