Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Accepting Help Jan 5
There's this feeling that is part of who I am. While I work on it, man it's hard to change. I have this inner feeling that I have to do everything on my own. Oh, I'll lend a hand to help others...beyond my limits. But can I accept help? Ahem. Well. I'm learning.
Actually, I'm taking a giant step forward by accepting help from friends and family in my move back to Colorado. I have inner work that needs to be wrapped up back there. I call it home, but California still feels like home to me. One day I'd like to move back...near the ocean. Pipe dreams. It's a pun if you know surf talk. Sorry. Okay, moving on....
Two major Life Events brought this lesson home to me. The first was when my dad was going through chemo for terminal bladder cancer. I tried to "help" him see that he needed to enjoy his final days instead of going through chemo trying to extend his time. Well, I pissed him off. He didn't want that type of "help". He wasn't ready to accept his own mortality and here I was shoving it down his throat. Oops. Two weeks before he died we had a heart to heart. He said it was difficult to admit, but he should've listened to me and gone sailing and to Mexico instead of trying to extend his time. Because he was so ill from the chemo the quality of his life dropped dramatically. In the end, he decided it wasn't worth it. I learned not all help is wanted, especially when it isn't asked for by the receiver. I just went through this again with a friend. Pushing my help where it wasn't wanted. Yay Kristy.
Saying that, during this time mom's co-worker's brought home cooked meals every night during dad's last month with us. Mom didn't appreciate the help. I clearly remember saying, "Mom, this is the only way they can do something to help you in a helpless situation. By allowing them to help, it makes them feel like they are supporting you during the most difficult time in your life. Allow them to help. It makes a difference in the amount of time you can spend with daddy instead of cooking." I need to take my own advise more often.
Enter my car accident and brain injury. As I see it, the Universe forced me into a situation that required me to accept help. I had no choice. Okay, I did have a choice....give up. I needed help walking, relying on other's to drive me places, get groceries, cook, pay my bills....I was incapable of taking care of myself. I had to accept help. And I did. Visitors bugged me. I felt I needed to entertain them. They wanted to take care of me, but I thought me falling asleep on them was...well...rude. Guess what? They didn't care if I fell asleep. They just wanted to be there for me. In some cases I allowed this type of help and I look back thanking myself for allowing it. I don't always have to do everything on my own. Oddly enough I recognized this lesson through the brain fog haze of the injury. One of my pillars will be my roommate when I move to Colorado.
Did people let me down during this time? Yup. Even my mom, but I learned who was really there for me in the end. Friends walked in while other's walked out. I discovered who my true friends really are and to this day I value them more than gold. They also would not allow me to push them away and called me on my self-reliant nature. Thank you! You pulled me through.
Actually, I'm taking a giant step forward by accepting help from friends and family in my move back to Colorado. I have inner work that needs to be wrapped up back there. I call it home, but California still feels like home to me. One day I'd like to move back...near the ocean. Pipe dreams. It's a pun if you know surf talk. Sorry. Okay, moving on....
Two major Life Events brought this lesson home to me. The first was when my dad was going through chemo for terminal bladder cancer. I tried to "help" him see that he needed to enjoy his final days instead of going through chemo trying to extend his time. Well, I pissed him off. He didn't want that type of "help". He wasn't ready to accept his own mortality and here I was shoving it down his throat. Oops. Two weeks before he died we had a heart to heart. He said it was difficult to admit, but he should've listened to me and gone sailing and to Mexico instead of trying to extend his time. Because he was so ill from the chemo the quality of his life dropped dramatically. In the end, he decided it wasn't worth it. I learned not all help is wanted, especially when it isn't asked for by the receiver. I just went through this again with a friend. Pushing my help where it wasn't wanted. Yay Kristy.
Saying that, during this time mom's co-worker's brought home cooked meals every night during dad's last month with us. Mom didn't appreciate the help. I clearly remember saying, "Mom, this is the only way they can do something to help you in a helpless situation. By allowing them to help, it makes them feel like they are supporting you during the most difficult time in your life. Allow them to help. It makes a difference in the amount of time you can spend with daddy instead of cooking." I need to take my own advise more often.
Enter my car accident and brain injury. As I see it, the Universe forced me into a situation that required me to accept help. I had no choice. Okay, I did have a choice....give up. I needed help walking, relying on other's to drive me places, get groceries, cook, pay my bills....I was incapable of taking care of myself. I had to accept help. And I did. Visitors bugged me. I felt I needed to entertain them. They wanted to take care of me, but I thought me falling asleep on them was...well...rude. Guess what? They didn't care if I fell asleep. They just wanted to be there for me. In some cases I allowed this type of help and I look back thanking myself for allowing it. I don't always have to do everything on my own. Oddly enough I recognized this lesson through the brain fog haze of the injury. One of my pillars will be my roommate when I move to Colorado.
Did people let me down during this time? Yup. Even my mom, but I learned who was really there for me in the end. Friends walked in while other's walked out. I discovered who my true friends really are and to this day I value them more than gold. They also would not allow me to push them away and called me on my self-reliant nature. Thank you! You pulled me through.
"Today, help me let go of my need to do it alone and my belief that I am alone. Help me tap into Your Divine Power and presence, and resources for love, support and friendship. Open my eyes and heart so I can see the love, help and support that's there for me. Help me know I am loved."
~ The Language of Letting Go
Kristy
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